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Is Taylor Swift A Clone Of Celebrity Satanist Zeena LaVey? Nah, But The Conspiracy Theory Is Fun

Is Taylor Swift really, actually an Illuminati clone of Zeena LaVey, the daughter of Anton Lavey, the man who founded the Church of Satan in 1966? The woman who published a book called Demons of the Flesh: The Complete Guide to Left Hand Path Sex Magic?

Well, no, obviously she’s probably not.

But the theory has been doing the rounds recently.

The whole concept seems to hinge on the fact that the two women look a bit similar.

And yeah, they do look quite alike, but so do Dean Gaffney and David Gandy, and no-one reads any funny business into that.

For the avoidance of doubt, let us explore the ways in the ‘Shake It Off’ singer is almost certainly not an illuminati clone of the daughter of Anton LaVey, the man who founded the Church of Satan.

Zeena probably would have said something

Zeena LaVey, now known as Zeena Schreck, was a spokesperson for the Church of Satan between 1985 and 1990, during which time she was a charismatic and fairly prominent media figure. She quit the church in 1990 (yes, a year after Taylor’s birth, but calm down) and became a tantric Buddhist. She has no reason to protect the Church of Satan’s secrets, and might either go public or demand a million or so if the biggest pop star in the world had stolen her face.

There has never been a human clone

Conspiracy theorists will laugh this off as naïve. To which we say: conspiracy theorists, look at the facts. Scientists in America first cloned a tadpole in 1952. Then, famously, came Dolly the sheep in 1996. Yet the closest we came to a human clone was in 1997, when scientists created a monkey facsimile from another monkey. Humanity has made a monkey facsimile but never a human clone. It has, though, made a human meme (that’s Drake).

Clones are gnarly, anyway

Like, they don’t work properly. Around one in 100 clones is a success – that’s why Dolly was such big news. Due to imperfections in the cloning process, they often have weird-sized organs that don’t entirely function. As a result, they commonly need to be euthanised for their own good, which is why cloning is widely considered unethical (it’s banned outright by the UN and in eight US states). The point: Taylor Swift sings, dances and dates like an absolute badass. She is grossly successful for a human being, let alone a test tube creature doomed crawl through life on malformed knees.

Another Taylor Swift Doppelgänger Is Freaking Out the Internet

There's some serious witchcraft happening on this woman from England's Instagram right now. Her name is Laura Cadman, she's a 20-year-old student from Newcastle, and she's 100 percent not Taylor Swift. Like, there's only one Taylor Alison Swift in this world; we know she's 27 years old, a pop star, and likes vodka–Diet Cokes. Laura Cadman has none of those tributes, and that's OK—not everyone can be Taylor Swift.

But look at this photo Cadman posted of herself on June 29, 2016:

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And this one on August 24, 2016:

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Oh, and don't forget this one from October 8, 2017.

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If I didn't explicitly say this woman is not Taylor Swift, you'd absolutely think she's Taylor Swift. The resemblance is so strong that some magical sorcery must be afoot. The Sanderson Sisters, Hermione Granger, and those girls from The Craft obviously combined their powers 20 years ago to create a Swift twin so eerie that even people on Tumblr with handles like "~TaYlOr'S AnGel~" are shaking in their boots.

OK, fine, that's probably not what happened. Instead, Cadman is just another Swift doppelgänger, but she's arguably the most convincing one yet. In fact, Cadman is such a dead ringer for the "Gorgeous" singer that she's routinely mobbed—yes, mobbed—by fans.

Cadman spoke to The Mirror and recounted the time Swifties wouldn't leave her alone at the 1989 World Tour. "So many people approached me and asked for pictures…. I took pictures with a bunch of people and they were so cute," she said.

Not all the fan interactions were pleasant, though. One Swiftie literally chewed Cadman out because she felt deceived by her appearance. "She said she hated me because she thought I was Taylor, then heard me talk and realized I wasn't her," Cadman said. "She said that I shouldn't do that because it was tricking people, but this confused me because everyone at the concert was dressed up as Tay."

Here's why the theory that Taylor Swift is a satanist clone absolutely checks out

What went wrong with Hiddleswift? The same thing that always makes Taylor Swift's relationships go down in flames -- her man's unwillingness to commit to a Faustian bargain.

See, Swift's uncanny resemblance to Zeena Schreck, former high priestess of the church of Satan, has been common knowledge on the internet for a while now. Rumors of a deeper connection have reached a fever pitch recently, based in part on the airtight theory that Swift is a clone of Schreck, who is the daughter of Church of Satan founder Anton LaVey.

The evidence is hard to shake off.

Schreck and Swift are both best represented by the serpent emoji and have blonde hair. Schreck's dad founded the Church of Satan, while Swift's (surrogate) father is a Merrill Lynch executive who owned a Christmas tree farm.

Obviosuly, the two women have too much in common to ignore, but their connection cannot merely exist on the surface. A close look at their life stories suggests an interwoven plot that all points to the truth -- Swift's love for Lucifer is red, burning red.

Schreck was high priestess of the Church of Satan from 1985-1990, which is very suspicious, because Taylor Swift talks a big game about being born in 1989. Naming her smash hit album 1989 is clearly TayTay LaVey's desperate attempt to emphasize that she had a normal human birth and was not cultivated in a cauldron and/or laboratory. The whole thing reeks of a coverup.

As soon as Schreck created a currently unknown number of clones of herself to carry on the work of Satan, she moved on to conquer new territory, because she's an overachiever. Kind of like Swift, who shares her entire genetic makeup.

Back in 2012, Schreck spoke to Vice about her post-Church of Satan, which includes a music venture -- a band called Radio Werewolf. Interesting!

Schreck traveled a lot throughout these years -- "grab your passport and my hand" -- and devoted herself to Sethianism, a faith devoted to the ancient Egyptian god, Seth. Schreck went on to become high priestess of the Temple of Seth because she's a crossover queen, just like Taylor slaying the country and pop charts with her doting squad by her side!

All this evidence is pretty damning, but here's how we know that TSwift is a clone with absolute certainty -- she's not the only one.

The Tumblr legend who allegedly snorted marijuana at a party and died instantly is definitely another clone of Schreck.

When Swift acknowledged the meme in 2014, people thought she was proving she could be in on a joke. But was she just gloating over the fact that she is the queen of the clones? Yes, friends, she was.

Now that it's crystal clear that Swift is the devil, what does this mean? It definitely puts One Direction music and the fate of Harry Styles' immortal soul in a whole new light.

Seeing Double Taylor Swift Has a British Twin Who’s Just as Obsessed With Cats as She Is

In case you didn't hear, Taylor Swift has a doppelgänger! Either that or a long-lost British sister (and who wouldn't want that?) that she doesn't know about. Laura Cadman is a 20-year-old student from England and admittedly loves lipstick, tea, and cats just like Taylor. Plus, judging from her Instagram feed she can't get enough of the "Look What You Made Me Do" singer.

Like any true Swiftie, she saw the singer in concert during The 1989 World Tour and explained to The Mirror that she was approached by a ton of fellow fans. "I took pictures with a bunch of people and they were so cute. It was lovely meeting and chatting to people about Taylor because I actually went to the concert alone and I felt really connected to all of the Swifties at the concert." And she revealed that her resemblance to Tay is just a happy accident. "Nothing prompted me to have this look. I am naturally blonde, reasonably tall, and reasonably slim," she added. "I really hope I can meet her someday and tell her how much her music has helped me." Keep scrolling to see more photos of Laura!

This post originally appeared on our sister site, Life & Style.

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Taylor — we mean Laura — rocks the "Gorgeous" singer's signature red lip and blonde locks. She's even perfected the pout down to a science.

Meredith Grey? Olivia Benson? So, that might not be one of Taylor's beloved pets, but come on… what are the chances that both women love cats?

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