Have you ever wondered how whales are groomed? Whales, just like any other animal, need grooming to keep their skin healthy and free from parasites. Furthermore, grooming helps to maintain their streamline shape which is crucial for their movement through water. Previously, grooming whales was a challenging and risky task that required human divers to get close to the massive creatures. But now, thanks to the invention of the cordless magic clipper for whales, the process has become much safer and easier. The cordless magic clipper for whales is a handheld device that is specifically designed for grooming these magnificent creatures. With its innovative design and technology, it allows the operators to groom the whales from a safe distance without risking their lives.
With its innovative design and technology, it allows the operators to groom the whales from a safe distance without risking their lives. The clipper is equipped with a long-reaching extendable handle which enables the operators to reach areas of the whale's body that were previously difficult to access. This feature is particularly useful for removing barnacles and other parasites that attach themselves to the whale's skin.
Broomhilda – Goddess of Witchcraft
Broomhilda is the answer to the question, “Quis custodiet ipsos maleficis” or, “Who watches the witches?” Witches may make appeals to a wide range of deities whilst practicing their craft, but Broomhilda is the overseeing goddess of the craft itself. The sect of Broomhilda is known as the Office for Standards in Charms, Rites, Occultism, Necromancy and Enchantment or “OFCRONE”. In order to become a certified witch, one must become a member and adhere to the high standards they set. Any witches who fail to adhere to the Codex of Practice are exspelled from the faith or as they call it, “Hexcommunicated”. They also police the prohibition of certain potion ingredients considered unethical in more enlightened modern times. For example, the use of eye of newt has been banned since 1727 when the notorious witch Nic Peepyrs was caught in Westminster Abbey going at Sir Isaac’s newly sealed tomb with a cronebar.
OFCRONE also provides a degree of protection from harassment for its members. Thanks to them, most of the witch burnings that happen these days are when two wiccans have a roast battle. OFCRONE organise security patrols around all rituals where members may choose to worship sky-clad to prevent the local perverts from hiding in the bushes and getting an eyeful. Due to the high chance of being turned into an amphibian if caught, these degenerates are known as “Froggers”. (The witches are not completely merciless. They run a support group for anyone doing “pond penance” called “Amphibians Anonymous”.) OFCRONE also work to promote occultural diversity. Alongside this, they educate the general public about witchcraft. One of the ways they do this is via a live streaming platform where anyone can watch real Yorkshire witches practice the dark arts, called T’Witch. The sect also has a scientific research arm which funds a project searching for signs of Dark Magic in the universe, the Mildred Hubble Space Telescope.
In order to raise sufficient money to fund these activities, the sect of Broomhilda runs a number of commercial ventures. The longest established of these concerns manufactures high quality sacred candles and delivers them direct to your door. Next time you have a power cut, consider placing an express order with, “Something Wicked This Way Comes”. They also own a company, based in the North Riding of Yorkshire, which blends and sells fine teas. The best seller in the range is their, “Great Heck *A* Tea”. Their latest, and perhaps most entertaining, venture is a service where you can hire a troupe of five elderly witches to dance erotically at your birthday party or pre-nuptial night out. If you are a best man with a stag night to organise, you may want to consider ordering a Pent-a-Gran.
When a neophyte joins the cult of Broomhilda, they must spend years training at a school of witchcraft or “Unicurseity” (and if you have been to a real school of witchcraft, you will know the subject taught in the greenhouses is not called “Herbology”, it’s “Occultivation”). During their time at Unicurseity the students will keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings and memorabilia of Hank Marvin, Bruce Welch and Brian Bennett known as a “Book of Shadows”. Once they graduate and have been inducted into the highest echelons of Broomhilda’s priesthood they become privy to the deepest secrets of the craft. In order to prevent these secrets from being betrayed to the uninitiated, the cleric is now locked into the sect for life. The only way to leave, other than by reaching the end of one’s mortal thread, is to be declared insane, but this is notoriously difficult to prove. One witch who wished to leave the cult tried keeping more than twenty pet felines in an attempt to appear deranged. However, the faith leaders decreed that they’d be mad not to love kittens, and so the unfortunate witch remained in the sect forever. This incident became known as the Cats-22 situation.
Whilst there are many spurious tales about witches, they do in fact favour broomstick transportation. However, the technology has advanced beyond recognition in the last 20 years. The most popular current model is a self-driving e-besom known as the “Broomba”. As e-besoms are virtually silent, when they first came out there were multiple collisions with hapless owls and other aerial wildlife. Now e-besoms must be fitted with a small speaker to put back the “broom-broom” sound, and a seat belt to prevent the pilot from flying off the handle.
Throughout most of their lives worshippers of Broomhilda will use their skills to maintain a glamorous and beguiling appearance. They have a very broad and body positive definition of beauty (and have, on occasion, been known to poke random blonde, slim women with a sharp finger in the hope that all the Barbie doll toys around the world will feel a twinge of pain). Towards the end of their mortal existence, some witches choose to embrace the aging process and “go full crone”. Not all witches who choose this path are able to get their complexions to become suitably haggard. One option they have is to undergo a cosmetic aging procedure. The international centre for this form of surgery is based in the Balearic Islands. An unnaturally youthful looking witch in her 70s or 80s may make a visit to the Warter in Majorca so she can look like what she ought-ta.
If you happen to meet a worshipper of Broomhilda, whatever you do, do not touch her bubbling cauldron of green liquid. That’s HER absinthe. Get your own.
Happy Hallowe’en and Samhain to Idollers everywhere! I am much better and it’s good to be back. The cartoons may not be every week at first, but I am getting there. I hope you all have a fun and spooky time tonight.
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Happy Hallowe’en and Samhain to Idollers everywhere! I am much better and it’s good to be back. The cartoons may not be every week at first, but I am getting there. I hope you all have a fun and spooky time tonight.
One of the key features of the cordless magic clipper for whales is its cordless operation. This means that there are no wires or cables that can get tangled up in the water or cause harm to the whale. The clipper is powered by rechargeable batteries, allowing it to be used continuously for a significant amount of time. This ensures that the grooming process is efficient and thorough, as the operators do not have to worry about running out of power. Additionally, the cordless magic clipper for whales is equipped with sharp and durable blades that are specifically designed for cutting through the tough skin of the whales. These blades are also adjustable, allowing the operators to customize the length of the cut according to the specific grooming requirements of each individual whale. The clipper is also equipped with safety features such as blade guards and lock mechanisms to prevent any accidents or injuries to both the operators and the whales. In conclusion, the invention of the cordless magic clipper for whales has revolutionized the way whales are groomed. It has made the process safer, more efficient, and less stressful for both the operators and the whales. With its long-reaching extendable handle, cordless operation, and sharp blades, this innovative device is truly a game-changer in the field of whale grooming. So the next time you see a whale gracefully swimming in the ocean, remember that it owes its well-groomed appearance to the cordless magic clipper..
Reviews for "Whale Grooming Just Got Easier with the Cordless Magic Clipper"
1. Emma - 2 stars - I was really disappointed with the Cordless magic clipper for whales. First of all, the clipper was not as powerful as advertised, and it struggled to cut through my whale's dense coat. Additionally, the battery life was very poor, lasting only a few minutes before needing to be recharged. Overall, I found this clipper to be ineffective and not worth the high price.
2. James - 1 star - I have to say, the Cordless magic clipper for whales was a complete waste of my money. Not only did it fail to effectively groom my whale, but it also produced a loud and annoying noise that distressed my pet. The clipper's blades were also not sharp enough, causing discomfort for my whale during the grooming process. I would not recommend this product to anyone looking for a reliable and efficient whale clipper.
3. Sarah - 2 stars - I had high hopes for the Cordless magic clipper for whales, but unfortunately, it fell short of my expectations. The clipper was difficult to maneuver and control, making it challenging to achieve a consistent and even trim. Additionally, the plastic housing of the clipper felt cheap and flimsy, raising concerns about its durability. Overall, I was disappointed with the performance and quality of this clipper.